The Existential Vacuum
Ecclesiastes 1:2, 3:19-20
"Vanity of vanities! All is vanity...a chasing after the wind...The fate of humans and the fate of beasts is the same. As one dies so dies the other; indeed, they all have the same breath and there is no advantage for man over beast, for all is vanity. All go to the same place. All come from the dust and all return to dust."
It was in my days at the university when I toyed and eventually embraced certain forms of atheism. To my young mind, I found it very convincing that God was just an existential fantasy invented by the weak to cope with life's ultimate meaninglessness. It really didn't help studying in a very politically liberal state university known for its "free" thought and activism where I was also exposed and at that time convinced of the soundness of the socio-political and economic theory that is Marxism which is at the fundamental level, atheistic/materialistic. My sociology professor said his goal was to make us Marxists and if not, at the very least, embrace the ideas of Nietzsche, live for the self, and that God is dead and "no hell to shun nor heaven pursue." Although, it has a certain dark appeal to it, life's absurdity and meaninglessness is jarring and not too many of us succeed in fully grasping the idea of inevitable eventual non-being. It is as if everything that our lives revolve around — our families, friends, our wisdom, pursuit of wealth and happiness, our work, our political, socio-economic struggles, our advocacies, of equality, of welfare, our love, kindness and care; all good things we fill our lives with, will all just fade away and it makes no difference however we live our lives, as Sartre once observed "several hours or several years make no difference once you have lost eternity." The irony is that our skeptical friends tell us we can put our own meaning into our lives by these very things. But even some learned skeptical thinkers (and very few are willing to publicly admit) that "the search for ultimate meanings and cosmic purposes, and the quest for values in a world devoid of them. The quest is deep, heroic and futile" (Rosenberg). Rosenberg, in a way anticipating our thoughts, also said if you think all this is depressing, "three weeks is often how long it takes serotonin reuptake suppression drugs like Prozac, Wellbutrin, Paxil, Zoloft, Celexa, or Luvox to kick in. and if one doesn't work, another one probably will." In the end, after two years, I found secular humanism deluded and illusory and atheism/materialism, empty and bankrupt. This led me to venture lightly into New Age Spiritual philosophies (From Oprah to Chopra :p) which I ultimately found spurious and so left it as well. This quest for meaning, all these longings and desires which are all too human, as Pascal once wrote of a 'God-shaped hole' in every human heart (that is a hunger or thirst for the divine, the eternal, the truth) seems to me a fundamental reality of existence. Through reading up and listening up, reflecting on my experiences, I realized God had been guiding this journey, this quest for true enlightenment and meaning is to be found in a relationship with God alone, that which is truly and uniquely represented in Christ. I have not found it, but I guess, we are on the right track.
John 6:35
"And Jesus said unto them, I am the bread of life: he that cometh to me shall never hunger; and he that believeth on me shall never thirst."
~20.09.2014
"Vanity of vanities! All is vanity...a chasing after the wind...The fate of humans and the fate of beasts is the same. As one dies so dies the other; indeed, they all have the same breath and there is no advantage for man over beast, for all is vanity. All go to the same place. All come from the dust and all return to dust."
It was in my days at the university when I toyed and eventually embraced certain forms of atheism. To my young mind, I found it very convincing that God was just an existential fantasy invented by the weak to cope with life's ultimate meaninglessness. It really didn't help studying in a very politically liberal state university known for its "free" thought and activism where I was also exposed and at that time convinced of the soundness of the socio-political and economic theory that is Marxism which is at the fundamental level, atheistic/materialistic. My sociology professor said his goal was to make us Marxists and if not, at the very least, embrace the ideas of Nietzsche, live for the self, and that God is dead and "no hell to shun nor heaven pursue." Although, it has a certain dark appeal to it, life's absurdity and meaninglessness is jarring and not too many of us succeed in fully grasping the idea of inevitable eventual non-being. It is as if everything that our lives revolve around — our families, friends, our wisdom, pursuit of wealth and happiness, our work, our political, socio-economic struggles, our advocacies, of equality, of welfare, our love, kindness and care; all good things we fill our lives with, will all just fade away and it makes no difference however we live our lives, as Sartre once observed "several hours or several years make no difference once you have lost eternity." The irony is that our skeptical friends tell us we can put our own meaning into our lives by these very things. But even some learned skeptical thinkers (and very few are willing to publicly admit) that "the search for ultimate meanings and cosmic purposes, and the quest for values in a world devoid of them. The quest is deep, heroic and futile" (Rosenberg). Rosenberg, in a way anticipating our thoughts, also said if you think all this is depressing, "three weeks is often how long it takes serotonin reuptake suppression drugs like Prozac, Wellbutrin, Paxil, Zoloft, Celexa, or Luvox to kick in. and if one doesn't work, another one probably will." In the end, after two years, I found secular humanism deluded and illusory and atheism/materialism, empty and bankrupt. This led me to venture lightly into New Age Spiritual philosophies (From Oprah to Chopra :p) which I ultimately found spurious and so left it as well. This quest for meaning, all these longings and desires which are all too human, as Pascal once wrote of a 'God-shaped hole' in every human heart (that is a hunger or thirst for the divine, the eternal, the truth) seems to me a fundamental reality of existence. Through reading up and listening up, reflecting on my experiences, I realized God had been guiding this journey, this quest for true enlightenment and meaning is to be found in a relationship with God alone, that which is truly and uniquely represented in Christ. I have not found it, but I guess, we are on the right track.
John 6:35
"And Jesus said unto them, I am the bread of life: he that cometh to me shall never hunger; and he that believeth on me shall never thirst."
~20.09.2014
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